Awards Roundup

7 January 2009

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — After an extended holiday break, the Newswire is proud to kick off the new year with exclusive coverage of the Chinatown Soccer Club’s annual end-of-the-season awards banquet.

Coach Stochl presented several of his star players with one of the coveted awards and was visibly moved when Dan “The Danimal” Funderburgh handed the usually stoic Austrian a token of appreciation on behalf of the entire first team (see below).

A handful of the club’s overseas players were granted a leave of absence and will be presented with their awards at a pitch side ceremony in the coming weeks.

With the usual drinking ban lifted for the night, Dan “The Danimal” Funderburgh, Zien Li and Peter “The Rifle” Bici were happy to enjoy a few pints together.

Despite knee surgery roughly 36 hours prior to the festivities, goalie Mike Sisk made his way to the club’s traditional holiday banquet.

Club legend Jason Goodman was presented with the “Director of Technology” award for his tireless work on the CSC forum.

David “The Bulldog” Wiesner was happy to accept the “Most Likely To Score While Yelling On His Phone” award.

As the loudest man on the pitch, Peter “The Rifle” Bici was presented with the “Rebel Yell” award.

Always eager to call a game, Papi Lopez earned the award for the “Most Optimistic Weather Forecast”.

At the end of the night, Coach Stochl received the “Golden Clipboard” award for excellency in management and sports journalism.

Awards Season Preview

25 December 2008

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The Chinatown Soccer Club announced the winners of its annual end-of-the-season awards as part of a festive holiday banquet at Loreley Restaurant and Biergarten shortly before Christmas and the Newswire today proudly presents a preview of the festivities.

According to sources close to the club, this year’s winners included rookie defensive midfielder Dom “The Dominator” Neitz for “Most Improved Player” while striker Mike Messenie received the prestigious “Thunderstrike Award”.

A complete list of winners and exclusive photographs of the proceedings will follow over the weekend.

Snowstorm

19 December 2008

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The season’s first snowstorm hit New York earlier today, with about six inches of snow quickly covering both the old Forsyth Road ground and the Chinatown Soccer Club’s more modern training facility at Stanton Street.

“At this point, it certainly looks like we’ll have to give our players the weekend off,” Coach Stochl said.

Holiday Party

17 December 2008

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The Chinatown Soccer Club will announce the winners of its annual end-of-the-season awards as part of a festive holiday banquet at Loreley Restaurant and Biergarten tonight, according to a press release by the team from downtown New York.

“Coach Stochl will present eight of his players with awards for a variety of achievements, both on and off the pitch, over the past twelve months,” the statement read.

The Newswire will have exclusive coverage of the event which many of the club’s current and former stars are expected to attend.

Sisk Sidelined

15 December 2008

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — Chinatown Soccer Club goalkeeper Mike Sisk underwent a second surgery on his right knee in New York this morning, the Newswire has learned.

The longstanding shot-stopper reinjured the previously damaged joint after landing awkwardly a few weeks ago and the decision was made to send him in for an operation after an M.R.I. showed a tear in the meniscus.

“Hopefully this has got to the bottom of it and we’ll get him back fit in a few weeks,” Coach Stochl said.

Amazingly, Sisk showed up for practice at the club’s Stanton Street ground earlier this morning (see below) to get “a few last touches on the ball” before heading to the hospital.

Hooligans

10 December 2008

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — After years of relative quiet at both Forsyth Road and the new Stanton Street ground, the Chinatown Soccer Club is working feverishly to address the recent emergence of a group of hardcore fans known only as Murdertronix, the Newswire has learned.

Incessant verbal abuse directed at Dom “The Dominator” Neitz and other star players by two of the group’s more vocal members (shown below) at a recent weekend training session cast a spotlight on a long forgotten problem.

Earlier this week, a mysterious note sent to the club’s webmaster and later forwarded to the Newswire only emphasized what must be a growing concern for the team from New York.

“You guys have official hooligans. Sometimes they will come, sometimes they wont but when they do, rest assured that they will be very drunk and loud,” the note read.

Despite several attempts, the club had no official statement but maintains that “the vast majority of our fans are peaceful football enthusiasts who express their support in the appropriate manner and simply love the beautiful game.”

Arsenal

7 December 2008

London, England (Chinatown Newswire) — Roughly one year after his last scouting trip to London, Chinatown Soccer Club goalie Vikram “The Terror from Bombay” Kansara was once again spotted at the Emirates Stadium (see below).

“It was typically damp and cold out but we saw a good game and I noticed a few bright Eastern European prospects that could be interesting for the CSC at some point in the future,” Kansara said while leaving the ground after Arsenal’s 1-0 win over Dynamo Kiev.

It is unclear whether Kansara’s trip was related to Coach Stochl’s recent excursion to the British capital but sources close to the club maintain that the keeper followed up his manager’s meeting with Greek defender Andreas Tzortzis earlier this month.

The CSC Gallery

5 December 2008

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — Just in time for the busy weekend fixture list, the Newswire is proud to revive the popular Chinatown Soccer Club gallery, featuring select photographs straight from the club’s archive.

Laijon Returns

29 November 2008

New York (Chinatown Newswire) — Chinatown Soccer Club Poet Laureate and popular forward Laijon Liu made his eagerly anticipated return to the club’s Stanton Street ground earlier today.

Despite being sidelined for months with a knee injury, Liu had a noticeable spring in his step and almost scored with his first touch of the game.

The fan favorite’s comeback was bittersweet, however, as it was announced after the match that Liu would be returning to his native China after the end of the 2009 season.

“Laijon’s [Liu] decision is purely for personal reasons, he’ll be with us until then, of course, and will always have a home with the CSC,” Coach Stochl said.

Greek Cuisine

26 November 2008

London, England (Chinatown Newswire) — Greek defender Andreas Tzortzis has partnered in a lavish new food temple bearing his name in this city of more than seven million (see below), the Newswire has learned.

Tzortzis, who was only recently loaned out to Wankkreative in the British capital, has previously expressed his desire to enter the restaurant trade and reportedly jumped at the chance to bring the Mediterranean fare of his childhood to the trendy Mayfair neigborhood.

“He loves his Mousaka and his Souvlaki and feels that he just can’t get those dishes the way Mama used to make them back home,” a source close to the player said.

In light of Tzortzis planting new roots in England, several pundits today questioned the defender’s desire to return to first-team action with the CSC across the Atlantic.

A source within the club confirmed that Coach Stochl’s recent trip to London was partially motivated by the Austrian manager’s desire to convince Tzortzis of his future with the CSC but the prospect of the Greek powerhouse returning to Stanton Street in the near future must now be considered extremely doubtful.