New York (Chinatown Newswire) — The following match report was provided exclusively to the Newswire by Greek defender Andreas Tzortzis who is currently negotiating terms for a loan spell with Queens Park Rangers in London, England.
The Miracle of Vienna
By Andreas Tzortzis (On special assignment for the Chinatown Newswire)
In the withering heat of the Viennese Summer, the Chinatown Soccer Club made long work of local club side H-Town, coming back twice for a 3-2 victory and giving Coach Stochl something to smile about on his return to his childhood home.
“I was pleased with the lads’ fight today, despite the hot weather,” Stochl said after obliging Austrian striking legend and Golden Boot winner Toni Polster’s request for a photograph.
“We didn’t talk about it, but they know how much it means to me to make a triumphant return to the country of my birth.”
A gaggle of local beer-swilling, Italian pop-listening locals were on hand with Polster to watch an inspired CSC comeback, led by Dan “The Danimal” Funderburgh and local Vienna All-Stars midfielder Markus “Kiddy” Kietreiber.
H-Town started the match lively, as the CSC searched for footing in 85-degree temperatures. Michael Hummelbrunner, a long-time friend of Stochl’s, struck first for H-Town, thundering a 14th minute strike that Funderburgh could only watch ram into the upper left corner of the net.
The wake-up call did its job. Andrew “The Midfield General” Sutherland, tireless in the center of the park and the heat despite excessively long locks and Jesus beard, and Stochl sprung sideline runs by Kevin “Keveronesi” Trageser, Zach “Kormega” Korman and Charlie Becker that threatened and prompted some fine saves by H-Town goalie Gerd Bohmann.
Not to be out outshined, Kietreiber responded with a diving one-handed save a few minutes later, prompting respectful “oohs” from the local crowd.
It was Funderburgh, who shortly after Hummelbrunner’s strike made the switch up front, that pulled one back at the halftime whistle, hushing the home town crowd and leaving H-Town with plenty to think about as they huddled for halftime.
“After the initial goal, it was important for me to get one back for us,” said Funderburgh, whose typically calm, post-match demeanor was at striking odds with the bite he showed throughout the game.
H-Town came out resolute in the second half, and quickly went ahead again, on a nice one-two that left CSC defenders looking very old, indeed.
It was local midfielder Kietreiber, his shaved head positively fluorescent in the midday sun, who provided the necessary spark to keep the CSC from slipping too far behind. His probing runs into the H-Town backline often drew two or three defenders and left goalie Bohmann with plenty to shout about. His flair should’ve been rewarded. Instead, his shots hit the post, twice.
“I was impressed with Markus’ performance today. As you know, we’ve had him over several times for trials,” Stochl told the Newswire. “I think it might be time to consider bringing him over permanently.”
Though flattered by Stochl’s words, Kietreiber, who has in recent weeks been entertaining offers from several Viennese clubs, H-Town and Polster’s Legends side among them, said he was likely to stay put in his hometown.
“I’m truly honoured,” he said, hoarding a few more boxes of stolen CSC Top Sala kicks into the boot of his Renault for later sale on EBay.
“My allegiance and heart remain with the CSC. But I need to think about my family, my wife and the new fuck-off flat screen TV I just bought for my spacious Vienna pad.”
What Kietreiber couldn’t finish off, CSC staples Joel Barnard and Funderburgh did.
Winger Barnard pulled the Chinatown boys even with a well-taken strike from the left side that left Bohmann sprawled helplessly on the hot pitch.
A few minutes before time, Trageser sprung Funderburgh on a nice loft into the box. Slipping behind the defence, Funderburgh nodded expertly to put the CSC ahead for the first time with his second goal and ensure victory.
“I saw the header,” Polster, who went by the nickname “Doppelpack” for the many times he scored a brace in competitive matches. “And, though people have talked about ‘the next Polster’ for years now, it finally looks like we’ve found one in Danimal.”
The second Sutherland, Peter, continued his strong performance on defense, as Justin “Crazy Legs” Fines and Becker provided the necessary bite and hustle to keep H-Town’s hopes of equalizing never more than a distant dream. Both sides were grateful for the final whistle and the tray of cold beers that awaited them.
“There have been many highlights on our pre-season training jaunt through Austria,” Stochl said, his normally stoic face positively overflowing with pride. “But this has to be among the brightest.”
